Brian’s stress level was at unsurpassed levels.  His wife Maggie was in labor and Brian was sure it was time to head to the hospital. 

Breathing heavily, Brian grabbed the phone and called the doctor.   “MY WIFE, SHE’S READY, SHOULD WE COME?”  

The doctor tried to relax the poor fellow, “just try to relax, now tell me how much time elapses between the contractions?” 

“SHIRLEY!”  Brian screamed on the top of his lungs,  “HOW MUCH TIME IN BETWEEN THE CONTRACTIONS? TEN MINUTES? OK,

TEN MINUTES IN BETWEEN!”

“And is this her first child?” Questioned the doctor.

“NO YOU STUPID NITWIT, THIS IS HER HUSBAND!”

………………………………………………………………………………………………

“I hate to have to tell you this”, said the Doctor in a sad compassionate voice,  “but you have been unfortunately been diagnosed

with a highly contagious disease, we will have to quarantine you and you’ll only be fed cheese and bologna.”

“That’s terrible!” Said the distraught young man, quickly sitting down before he could faint. “I don’t know if I could handle being in quarantine…

and the cheese and bologna diet…

What’s with the cheese and bologna diet anyway? I’ve never of such a diet before?!”

“It’s not exactly a diet”, responded the Doctor matter of factly, “it’s just the only food that will fit under the door!”