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Calories
Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter each night.
A man went into a restaurant which was offering a fixed-menu, three-course meal. When the waiter brought the first course, the man tasted it and said: "What is this?''
The waiter replied: "It's bean soup.''
The man then said: "I don't care what it's been. What is it supposed to be now?''
My husband and I were sitting at a table at my 20th anniversary secondary school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink, as he sat alone at a nearby table.
My husband asked: "Do you know him?"
"Yes," I sighed. "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he started drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since
"My God!" says my husband. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
Three buddies die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the pearly gates.
They are all asked: 'When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning, what would you like to hear them say about you?'
The first guy says: 'I would like to hear them say that I was the greatest doctor of my time, and a great family man.'
The second guy says: 'I would like to hear that I was a school teacher who made a huge difference.'
The last guy replies: 'I would like to hear them say... "LOOK .. HE'S MOVING!"'
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