Murphy's Flight Laws
No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate in the terminal.
If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence just as soon as you touch pen to paper.
If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.
Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the washroom.
The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.
The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard
Bad News
A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly. "Is Mr. Spencer there?" asked the client on the phone.
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Spencer passed away last night," the receptionist answered. "Can anyone else help you?".
The man paused for a moment, then quietly said, "no" and hung up. Ten minutes later, he called again and asked for Mr. Spencer, his ex-wife's lawyer. The receptionist said, "You just called a few minutes ago, didn't you? Mr. Spencer has died. I'm not making this up."
The man again hung up.
Fifteen minutes later, he called a third time and asked for Mr. Spencer. The receptionist was irked by this time. "I've told you twice already, Mr. Spencer is dead. He is not here! Why do you keep asking for him when I say he's dead? Don't you understand what I'm saying?"
The man replied, "I understand you perfectly. I just like hearing you say it over and over."
