A judge tells the defendant, “You’re charged with attacking your boss with a hammer.”
“You jerk!” yells a voice from the back of the courtroom.
“You’re also charged with attacking a bartender with a hammer,” says the judge.
“Jerrrrkkkk!” bellows the same man.
“Sir,” says the judge, “one more outburst, and I’ll charge you with contempt.”
“I’m sorry, Your Honour,” says the man. “But I’ve been this jerk’s neighbor for ten years, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one.”
• If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it still irritating?
• What is the sound of no hands texting?
• If nobody likes your selfie, what is the value of the self?
• To see a man’s true face, look to the photo’s he hasn’t posted.
Bad Things to Tell Your Wife
A commercial boasted that its product could help people live pain-free in their golden years.
“Am I in my golden years?” my wife, 63, asked.
“Not at all,” I assured her. “But you are yellowing fast.”
